Tuesday, August 19, 2008

83th post....

hi everyone... hmmz... got many things inside me... but.... am juz not going to talk bout them juz yet.... lets talk bout today..

today.... followed my parents to watch money no enough 2 at cineleisure... and honestly.. its the 3rd time i watch it in theatres.... and................... although its the 3rd time... but my tears flow... and to my surprise flow so freely and unknowingly.... at the part... the part where mark lee go prison see his wife... where flash back of how bad he use to treat his wife... tears flow.... non stop... when the mother died, my tears drop too.. but only the 1st and 3rd time... i guess... i can relate to the mark lee part ba, which is y.. i can't stop my tears on matter wat...

Hmmmz... man.... always muz lose le den know how to cherish... like him... i am thinking back on my relationship wif val... of the moments when i lose my temper... throw tissue paper.. flare up when things are not going my way and stuff.... but actually like him... inside me... i care alot.. and i love val alot... til the point tt today i saw yanyu in sch... if u all don know who is yanyu, she is my first love... broke up when i am still in jc2... was totally shattered... msged her.. tried to contact her for 5 years.... but.... to no avail... was always convinced tt she is the one i love most.. i did a very stupid thing... in impulse i msged her "i always tot u r the one i love most.. but now i finally know what is love.. and who i love.. was really naive.. and now sadly... she cause me a greater hurt den u cause me years ago".. and of cos.. like it had been since many years ago.. no replies... now i matured.. i know.. its not always ur dream girl tt u love most.. its the someone.. who is always beside u... suffer ur temper... take ur rubbish.. and be there to support n keep ur soul going... and to me... looking back... val did a great job... always lovingly be there for me... keeping me company while i keep complaining tt she needs so much attention... be there whenever i have exams.. i don sleep, she also don sleep whole night to teach me chem... although she got work the next day and went to work wo sleeping a wink... and i after exams can sleep.. i think only for myself n my paper... therefore looking at the same movie.. same scene for the 3rd time.. i can't help.. but tears flow... flow freely....... envy how his wife still stand by him in the end... still...... wif him no matter wat he did... cos she knows... she knows whatever he did.. what is inside the heart is pure love for her... i always say mark lee and vivian lai in the show is like jiaxi and xinyi... but..... looking at myself... isn't me the same too.... although i nv did so guo fen stuff like mark did in the show... but... its a movie.. u don always get pple like vivian lai... "i can support myself, i can don need ur anything, i juz wan u to treat me well, and let me convince myself tt i nv follow the wrong person in my life"... her words in the movie ring in my ears... yuan lai wat girls wan is so simple.. isn't it? i hope it is..... its the 1st time i watch a movie 3 times in theatre... use to be titanic which i watch 2 times.. and its the 1st time.. i tear 3 times when i watch 3 times.. actually a bit too personal.. but... she told me.. to leave her alone to get over the relationship.. although she love me.. and i love her deeply.. but... sometimes.... love... juz ain't enough... something tt i don wan to admit.. don wan to be defeated... i am still a strong believer tt as long as 2 person love each other.. there is nothing tt could stand in their way.. but to all young readers... as u grow older.. u can't help but admit the fact... sometimes love juz... ain't enough.. i am now alone.. fighting this phrase... this sentence.. to prove to myself.. tt love wins all... although i might not win... and in fact... its a uphill battle wif me fighting alone.. but...... even if i failed.. i can tell myself when i am old.. i have no regrets.. i fought hard and wif all my might for love when i was young.. it will be the biggest regret ever... in my life.. tt i nv cherish this rs... life isn't a bed of roses... hmmz.... other den sorry... i have to take a bow and say thanks.. thanks to val.... for giving me love.. for spending this wonderful 400 odds days of my life wif me.. one tt i will always rem and hold closely to my heart... i have to admit... i am shattered... totally sad... feeling totally lost and empty.. can't bear the tot another guy might be holding her.. but hei........ time for me to be strong.... although its super hard.. but have to... to be strong... am loser enough for quite sometime le... to prove to her.. tt chengxi is a strong person... a person worth loving again.. a person tt err once and learnt his mistake... and perhaps.. juz perhaps........ our path might cross again ( like wat she say)... and she will realise... tt....... perhaps... following ur heart n love isn't tt bad afterall.. and throwing the sentence "sometimes love juz ain't enough" out of her mind... ok.. sorry for the emo burst.. don talk bout it le...

but yeah... movie wif parents.. juz the 3 of us.. something tt didn't happen for a long long time... and realise tt... although romantic love is very huge part.. but ur parents are also there for u ur whole life... supporting u... sacrificing themselve for u.. and everything else... so for pple who didn't stopped to think b4.. think... what have they done for u and wat have u done for them back? even if they didn't do much for u... they have given u the most precious thing u have.. ur life... juz like a candle... burning themselves juz so u could have the light... hmmz... yeah...

So............ will chengxi be like mark lee in the movie and have a happy ending? or.................................................................... i don know... i will strive... i know i will have u all readers de support de... thanks!

PS: those who nv catch this movie plz do... honestly.. one of the best singaporean movie i have ever seen..... or rather.. one of the best movie i have ever seen....

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